Its been a rough couple of weeks I have to say. More crap from the ex, more paperwork to get. I can't remember feeling so anxious or upset over having to do this kind of stuff. I felt week, belittled and beaten by his lawyers last letter. I know I shouldn't take it personally but its hard not to when your character is being assassinated. Then I think where is she getting her information. Oh yeah I know, then I think how could he. Says allot about his character.
Him feeling he had to tell me about his gambling was just a ply to suck me in and see if I still cared. I almost got sucked in, but at the end of the day this is no longer my issue. It's his he needs to deal with it once and for all, so I passed the information on to his children. Maybe they won't turn a blind eye anymore and will arm themselves with the information they need to convincew him to get help.
He keeps blaming my lawyer for taking to long responding to his. He knows I am having to use our line of credit now. It's hard to live on 1000 a month when physio alone costs 500. Yet he can afford to blow 1000 a month in slot machines. He thinks I am desperate to settle, but I won't take less than I am owed.
A friend said this to me a while ago about all this crap:
"They are trying to wear you down petal!! They are hoping, because he's conveyed your vulnerabilities, that you will get desperate and settle... It's such a friggen evil ploy, but that's the job his lawyer has been hired to do.... Think about it, mind games and manipulation...narcissistic attitudes.. Sound familiar?" Boy does it ever sound familiar.
More wise words from my friend "It's a jagged road my sweet, and you are recovering from a lot...not just the dipshit here, but your ex there... It all compounds, and it's natural that it overwhelms you... The things we cry a lot over, are the things that hurt us the most. Whilst we are in that state, look for the lesson. It's when we have learned and understood, that we take that strength back. There is a lot to be said for letting go, when you hurt so much. None of what happened to you was your doing. Give back the onus of terror and abuse. Gather the goodness and harmony that surrounds you now, that is your armour....
I thanked her for this reminder and she came back with this "I believe the the most important thing I can say to you is, it was all real, it didn't just happen in your head. You are one of the most level headed people I know... People screwed you over, but no more. You are captain, the leader, the warrior, and the bestest friend anyone could ask for...xxxxx
I do need to take back my life, it doesn't matter that other people don't understand or get why I left. What matters is that I regain my self esteem and begin to feel beautiful again. That's hard to do when you have been with someone for 17 years that wouldn't be intimate with you and it hurts even more that you fought for your life and he still couldn't bring himself to look at you or touch you. Life's to short, so I packed 2 suitcases and left.
Today's Quote:
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