February 20, 2018
So when I returned to Australia on June 30, 2002, discovering the gambling, and also that Charlie was on dating websites with a picture I had taken of him on my second visit to see him. I felt pretty heart broken, what should I do. I found a picture called ancient mariner on his computer, I thought that was strange, but remembered him helping a mate of his get on a dating website, could I be right. So I started googling the name and guess what I found him. I created a fake name and email and found his profile, the things he put that he liked to do during sex was a bit shocking as I had seen none of this in our relationship. I quickly learned that he craved attention. He said he created it just to get the nice comments on it.
He of course promised to delete it and to get help for his gambling, he asked me to stay and give him another chance. He promised that the intimacy in our relationship would return. It never did.
Every 6 months it would come up, we tried counselling, there was never an answer as to why he was treating me like this.
This went on for 16 years to the point that I just felt like a room mate, cook and cleaner.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2008, I had a right mastectomy at the time and a left one in 2012. I have not had reconstruction, I've never felt well enough to endure the major surgery it would take to give me them. I had a pretty rough go of treatment 6 chemo and 25 radiation. I never felt fully comfortable with exposing myself to Charles as I felt it only made our intimacy problems worse. He never asked to see them he never touched them.
I felt I could not continue in this relationship any longer, he never gave me the attention I deserved.
February 16, 2018
Well allot has happened in the last 2 months. I had prepared for Christmas for Charlies side of the family in November and early December. I had been meeting with my new therapist to get over the guilt I was feeling about moving on with my life, and it didn't include my husband.
Since my second visit in April 2002 something had changed from the first visit, where we had fallen madly in love, spent a wonderful month together, seeing the sites of Sydney and surrounding areas. I felt so at home with him, we went to pubs watched bands play, met his friends and relatives. Had lunches with his children, and his daughter said something one day when her father was out of the room, she told me he use to have a terrible gambling habit and it could rear its ugly head at any time.
In April 2002 I returned to Australia for another visit to see if this was real, did we really have a great connection. Something seemed off we didn't make love when I first arrived, he seemed distance, we had 3 weeks together and even won a Honeymoon suite through his bowling club. We had a lovely in room hot tub, great dinner and awards night for his club. I tried to get him aroused, but nothing. I know I should have run for the hills, he obviously didn't want me there. What was the problem???
To this day I still don't know. I have asked many time, I got no where. I left and gave him a letter to try to address the problem. I had no idea when I would see him again or if ever.
In June that year I went through a terrible couple of weeks with my ex husband in Canada, and needed to find some place safe to live, Charlie invited me to come back to Australia. What was I going there for. I guessed we could be great friends. I flew out on June 30th 2002, to allot of uncertainty, but I knew I would be safe. I settled in and took on the role of cook, cleaner and room mate.
I quickly discovered Charlie did have a gambling problem and had asked about it on my previous visit, but he assured me he had it under control. But I could see by the thickness of his bank statements something was wrong, I asked him about it and he said we need to talk, so we went for a drive to the mountains. We got out and walked, I still remember Cat Stevens on the radio. He told me he had tried to stop gambling but couldn't do it on his own, he was even going at lunch time, after work before he would come home to me. He asked me to stay and help him. I said that I couldn't be a part of the gambling life, I had worked to hard to get where I was to fritter it all away, he agreed and promised to get help. We drove home and searched for a hypnotist, he started treatment the next week. He had some slip ups along the way, but it was about learning to treat himself, rebuild his self esteem. I encouraged him every step of the way.
I will continue this tomorrow.
