For me it seems March has come in like a lion, my ex now claims that when I told him what I wanted before and during sex, called into question his manhood.
This is why he wasn't able to make love for years, we did try in the hot tub, that went ok, but he says I stopped it, I got sick with Cancer you nob. How is that someone can be so mollycoddled, that they can't even take suggestions to make their experience better. If this was the problem why wait 16 years to tell me, oh I know why, to make me feel even worse by saying I couldn't talk to you. What a crock.
From what I have read it is paramount to a relationship to be able to express ourselves. For some reason he didn't know how foreplay worked, he felt he just had to climb on and ride, for hours, no lubrication at all, I had to express to him that a women needs foreplay. What I wanted, often after we had made love I would cry, he thought it was because I hated it, I tried to explain it was the opposite, it felt so wonderful to be loved by him, that it made me cry to feel such happiness and it gave me hope. But this would usually be followed by years of nothing again.
He did try once in 2010, but that was the last time, again no foreplay and it hurt like heck because my body had changed from all the treatments and hormone therapy, I wasn't prepared with creams or jellies, so I cried once again. This was the last time he touched me.
I became more secluded with in myself, more self conscience to the point I would always get dressed or undressed in another room, he refers to it as covering up like a Muslim, I had a towel wrapped around me to get my clothes from the bedroom. He never tried to playfully remove it, nothing, what was I to expect. I receded further into my cocoon.
Now I am alone trying to pick up my pieces and move on, I know I can do it, It's just going to take time. That I have plenty of right now.
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