We are half way through this month, I am glad I went to the trailer on the weekend and got the things I needed. It's been snowing for 3 days now, a foot of fresh snow at least.
I've decided to try and get out a bit, I'm going to a meet up at one of our local malls, there isn't much going on during the day time, but I will try the evening session, its only for an hour, so it will be good for a first outing, hope I don't chicken out.
It's hard to get out and meet new people, I guess I am a little shy, something that my ex wasn't he had to be the center of attention all the time, it didn't matter the setting, funerals, children's birthday parties, even nursing homes.
I'd rather stand back and watch people, see how they interact with other's. The snow this week has kept me in doors, I will head out for a walk this afternoon, while my son in law is visiting his son.
I started doing some weights today, I have been feeling much better the last couple of days, the first in 3 weeks. So am determined to work on my self before I go to the trailer for the summer. I will be back and forth to help with Oliver as needed, but I do need some alone time as well. I will be able to go for my counselling sessions more often as its just a few minutes away. Rebuilding my self esteem is going to take some time, I'm still reading lots and trying to think positively, but when I think back to my marriage it is so heart wrenching to think I put 16 years into this man that couldn't give me what I needed, HIM. One day I hope to truly know the reason why, his reasons don't make sense to me, I think there has to be openness in a marriage to tell each other their expectations and not to take it as putting down your man hood. Talking instead of pushing your partner away for years to the point I had no other choice but to leave and hopefully find someone one day that can look at my scars, love me, be able to touch me, make me feel like a women again. I know I deserve that.
Tomorrow is a new day.
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